Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
