Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
There are leaves in my underwear?
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