Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
