Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
