I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
