Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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