I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
