Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
