Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Semen is not good for contacts.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
