Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
