I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
