i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
