I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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