allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
