I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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