Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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