Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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