Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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