Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
