I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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