I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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