A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
