Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
