I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
