Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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