Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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