Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
