It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
