Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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