they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
my liver is dry heaving
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
