I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
