Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
