I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
