nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
