is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
