The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
