I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
