I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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