Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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