The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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