we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
