Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
