Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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