i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
