We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
