I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
