dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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