I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The air was thick with penises
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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