Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
