so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
